One more week of work left, and then it is Kieran and I for the summer! Hoping to spend a lot of time outside. We already have a few camping trips planned. So excited to take family trips with my boys.
In this photo, Kieran is playing the on the go version of Hungry Hippos. He loves it, we will have to find the real one for him to play. He is growing up so fast-as you can see from his size 13 shoes.
The other night Peter and I were putting him to bed, laying on either side of him, he grabbed my arm and pulled it over to cuddle him and then grabbed peters hand to join mine, then he snuggled in with a contented look on his face. Too sweet. He also noticed my wedding ring the other night and asked why I don't take it off. When I explained it to him, he was very upset that he too didn't have a ring. He is picking up on everything!
Did you know that there are many dangers for your indoor cat outside that include (but not limited to) Hot Lava. According to Kieran that should be our biggest concern if Baron gets out.
I love the video above! Kieran playing his Rescue Bots songs-guess he really is watching me. I think it is amazing the connections he makes.
We have also been flying kites and planting flower gardens-were Kieran mostly points to where he wants the flowers and then throws the flowers to me.
To be honest, I feel like I am in some sort of funk, a loss of words. Do you ever feel like, you just don't feel like it? I am still creating, but it feels like a trickle, I haven't blogged-not even Mommy Monday.
I have some sort of inner argument going on. I just came back from an amazing trip, trip of a lifetime. Incredible, inspiring on many levels, and I have written nothing here. I spent the week after the trip, catching up with my journal and art about Scotland, I am still working on it-processing it. The trip was packed of juiciness, so packed that I didn't take time to process it there.
Maybe I am overwhelmed with inspiration and where to start. Sometimes I wake up and ego says, why are you even doing this, it would be so much easier if you just stopped, I imagine throwing out all my stuff, and I walk around frustrated.
In my heart I know creating is where I want to be, and what I want to share, but it has its ups and down. Usually when I feel this way, resisting it, I make myself show up to it. Write now it is this post.
I think that Scotland was such an expansion of my comfort zone, that I am going through some transformation. I have cocooned myself in my house-taking lots of alone time-which has been amazing, it is something that I rarely get-but is also leaving me feeling disconnected.
So maybe this post is my first step out of the cocoon. Time to spread the old wings again and put myself out there and see what happens.
Do you ever feel this way? Do the things you love to do or dreams feel so big that you feel like giving up, even though you know that is not the answer? I guess sometimes you need to see the other side so you can reject it. What do you do to get out of that funk/mind set?
The Mixed Media piece above is one of the ways I work through things. There is layer upon layer. I journaled about my trip and experiences, feelings, thoughts, ideas-crumpled, ripped and glued them down-along with a map of Edinburgh, and other papers collected in Scotland. I covered it with gesso and used a photo I caught of a sparrow at Urquhart Castle. An image that I completely fell in love with. Creating no matter what the visual outcome, helps me process and work through my experiences and feelings, sometimes answers reveal themselves sometimes they don't. Sometimes I feel better, sometimes I feel worse-but something comes out of me regardless and makes room to grow, and that's all I hope for.
I am not one for putting myself willingly into the spotlight, but I did, for 20 minutes at least. Friday night I competed in Art Battle. Which is a competition with 12 artists, over 2 rounds each with 20 minutes and 6 artists each round at the canvas, and a final round with the top 4 artists and a larger canvas with 30 minutes. The audience circles, observing during the 20 minutes and votes at the end of each round for their favourite.
I was so nervous. This was a huge leap out of my comfort zone for me. I was excited leading up to it, practiced and planned out a couple paintings. The day of-my stomach was in knots all day, worrying about what if I win, what if I look foolish, what if I don't finish my painting, maybe I should change my paintings...I am sure I drove Peter crazy, exclaiming all my self-doubt and fears every few minutes. Once I got there the anxiousness changed. It was more a feeling of this is happening so pull it together. My heart rate was through he roof, I could feel it beating in my chest, but it was the excitement of starting.
A day...morning in my life (and I am sure many others): Wake up on a Saturday at 7:00 am because in my world now that is sleeping in. Peter has left for the gym, Kieran spent the night at a grandparents. I have a rare couple hours all to myself, I make my oatmeal, while cleaning up the disaster of a kitchen created throughout the week, pour some yummy tea, take out my book and journal, give Rocky a treat of some leftover ham in his dish, take a deep breath and sit at my table facing outside to see all the chickadees. Deep breathe, this is so nice, eating my breakfast and journaling....then it happens. Rocky starts gagging, up I jump rushing him down to the basement in the race to get him outside before he pukes on the floor...didn't make it, right before the door it happens-his whole breakfast and the ham-chewed-can't even open the door to finish letting him out the pile is so high. Geez Rocky, I say calmly, you need to chew your food bud" I am not even mad, because I still have lots of time, still feeling zen. I clean the puke, let Rocky out, go upstairs to throw the bag of puke out....and there is zen disappears for a few minutes as I see on the top stair a raspberry mashed in to the beige carpet from my foot. A lone berry that must have been hidden on the floor from yesterdays breakfast that I unknowingly smashed my foot into and then mushed into the stairs on my rush to get Rocky out. Said a few choice words there, got the stain remover, cleaned it up let Rocky in, zen restored back to breakfast. Came down stairs to write this blog....stepped in cat puke....sigh, oh well.
P.S. Kieran had his first dentist visit. He was amazing, he was so excited to be there, he did every thing they asked, without a hitch. He didn't want to leave. Afterwards he asked me why the dentist didn't have candy.
Having a great few weeks with Kieran, but haven't taken the time to post lately. Last weekend we went on the new kids train at the mall. My little Ninja Turtle was so excited, smiles and giggles and a face full of wonder. So much fun. After we went to Indigo and he got some Rescue Bot books which he carries with him at all times!
The past two nights Kieran has slept in his bed with out complaint, and is so proud of himself when he wakes up. Knock on wood that I didn't jinx it by posting it.
Last week the in thing was that Peter and I were only allowed to whisper at the diner table. All three of us had to whisper, and if we forgot, we got told.
We took Kieran on a playdate to go bowling this weekend, Which Kieran was excited about. He played a little but then the flashiness of the arcade caught his attention every time between turns-so most of it was chasing him around until our string was finished. Then we all played in the arcade. It was a lot of fun.
Kieran is getting so big! He is a little over 3'7 and 40lbs! He is the same size as some Kindergartners I teach but he is only 3! One of the hardest things I find right now is trying to remember he is only 3, and the expectations that others who may not know or forget his age because of his size. He shouldn't have to act like he is 5 yet. Let's let him be 3 for a while, don't let him grow up faster than he needs to; he will get there.
I couple weeks ago I lost all motivation to create. Just looking at my art space made me sad. I cleaned it up and that felt good, but still had no motivation to paint or do anything, which hurt my heart. I went through I a whole week of self-worth issues and who did I think I was to call my self an artist.
It was Kieran and Peter who lit the fire to help me start my spark again (whether they knew it or not). I never say "no" to creating when Kieran asks and Peter asks even less, haha. So we had a family afternoon of creating, no pressure. Eventually I broke out of whatever I was going through and made something-pushed through the critic, since I didn't think what I Was making was very "good" and finished the page. Then had a whole week where I created and completed something everyday. Sometimes you just have to start moving and see where it takes you.
Had a wonderful March Break-even though Kieran had a bad cold at the start and I had it at the end. We spent our days with no real schedule, just doing what we felt like. Lots of painting..and maybe some extra "Rescue Bots".
We did a couple craft days at Michael's and made some creatures out of clay, and Kieran made a picture full of letters...and for those of you who don't know the proper name for "J' is candy cane...turns out it wasn't a "J" at all.
We also went to the zoo on lion day and got to see some of the things the zoo keepers do with the lions and we got to pat a bunny-no where near the lions in case you were wondering.
And to top it off a couple play dates. So much fun.
Bliss is when Kieran sits down and does art with me, it makes my heart swell with love and gratitude. I think we created for at least an hour-with a couple little breaks. He is just starting to show an interest is it with me, and I love it. Below is a little fast motion video. I love the little hug and kiss he gives me in the middle.
Today is the first day of March Break, and Kieran let us sleep in to 7:00...but after waking up about 4 times through the night. Oh well-better than nothing. Last week he was waking up for the day at 4:30/5:00 am. I would rather waking up through out the night with the ability to go back to sleep thanks!
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